dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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