it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
