I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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