I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
