sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
