I think I won the penis lottery.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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