doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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