Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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