Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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