I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
