He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
