Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
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When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
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Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize