I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
