that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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