the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
