Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
