wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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