Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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