Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
