ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I think i got beer on your cat.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
