we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
