I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
