I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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