they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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