She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
