lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
