I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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