so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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