I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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