There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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