Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so let's talk penis.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hippo gnu deer
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
