what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
