I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
