Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
