I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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