Come see our sink grown plant.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
