1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
