Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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