Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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