I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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