dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
