he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
