Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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