You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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