My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
