I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
