I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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