Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
how drunk are you?
Several
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
