capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
