She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
