In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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