It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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