Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
