You smell like stripper and shame
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
