Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
