one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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