Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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