i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
