yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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