you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
