whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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