Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
