I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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