my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
should my penis look like a turkey
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
