dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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