i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
