how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
