Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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