i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
