and you said cock pushups were impossible
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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