I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
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i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
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I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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