Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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