I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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