also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
