I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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