the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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