I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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