I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
