I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
